Are They a Narcissist, or Just Having a Tuesday?
When did “narcissist” become the new “jerk”? Or worse, the new ex-boyfriend slur du jour?
It happened somewhere between the third true crime documentary and the twentieth #ToxicPersonality TikTok. One minute we were bingeing brunch and bad decisions, and the next we were armchair diagnosing each other with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, as if ghosting someone after three dates was suddenly grounds for a clinical diagnosis.
But here’s the truth: not everyone is a narcissist. Some people are just emotionally immature. Some are self-absorbed. Some are just plain rude. But that doesn’t mean they meet criteria for NPD.
According to the DSM-5-TR (the clinical bible of the psychology world), Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a diagnosable mental health condition. It includes a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, a constant need for admiration, and a distinct lack of empathy, starting in early adulthood and showing up in multiple areas of life. It’s not a one-time behavior or a bad breakup. It’s not “he posted gym selfies five days in a row.” (Although we may roll our eyes.)
Like many mental health conditions, NPD exists on a spectrum, think of it like emotional glitter: some people sparkle with traits, others are practically dipped in it. You can have narcissistic traits without having the full-blown disorder. You can be charming, self-promoting, a bit vain, and even a master of humble-brags without meeting diagnostic criteria.
Just like with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), there are nuances. It's not black and white, saint or villain, empath or narcissist. It's shades of gray, with a twist of Freud.
So why the obsession with the word Narcissist? Maybe it makes us feel powerful to slap a label on someone who hurt us. Maybe we want validation for pain, or a way to wrap up a messy emotional story with a tidy psychological bow.
But pathologising every ex, boss, or in-law who makes us feel small isn’t just inaccurate, it’s irresponsible. Misusing mental health terms waters them down. It hurts those actually living with these disorders, and it muddies the waters for those of us trying to understand the real deal.
So next time someone cuts you off mid-conversation, before you cry “Narcissist!”, take a breath. Ask yourself: is this a clinical pattern… or just a guy named Brad who peaked in Year 12?
Because in a world obsessed with labels, sometimes the most revolutionary thing we can do… is just call someone a jerk and move on.
